Great Power, Great Restraint

Another check in with the I Ching. I always end up turning back to these symbols when I don't know what action to take. In particular when I am fighting the impulse to take an action at the same time that I am fighting the enforcement of non-action. This is a very stuck place to be-- exercising willed restraint in a situation, forcing myself to remain silent, where the natural desire would be to communicate volumes, while at the same time resenting the stance of non-action and plotting in a frankly obsessive way how to break the silence. It is an especially laughable state to be in when the object of one's combined restraint and desire for communication at least seems to be completely indifferent. 

Anyway, the first hexagram this morning was Great Power, #34. Changing 4th and top lines, leading to Great Restraint, #26. 

The Great Power indicated by the first hexagram comes with all sorts of warnings. In particular, from the Confucian traditions, even though possessing Great Power, the chun tzu or "truly ethical person," is a person who lives by the highest ethical standards. This person displays five virtues: self-respect, generosity, sincerity, persistence, and benevolence. 

So any use or display of the Great Power that one has been given ought to reflect those 5 virtues. That's the thinking anyway. It reminds me of the segment of the St. Francis Prayer: "Lord, grant that I might seek to comfort rather than to be comforted, to understand than to be understood, to love than to be loved." 

The changing lines are very mixed here. A changing 4th line is very positive, indicating an end to entanglement and a release from a trap. But the changing top line indicates that any effort to force disentanglement will only lead to more trouble. 

The path out of the dilemma can only be found by waiting and consciously holding on to both sides of the conflict, by making the utmost effort to keep both sides in fullest possible awareness without repressing them or falling into a state of identification. This means nothing less than that the conflict with all its excruciating implications must be endured consciously; we cannot seek to terminate it forcibly by taking sides, by enforcing a premature decision. Symbolically this amounts to a crucifixion; by our consent, our acceptance of this suffering, we are nailed to the cross of the opposing drives. We keep the apparent evil in full sight and continue to wait for a way that allows us to express its energy in constructive rather than destructive ways, though this may seem impossible at the moment, both in terms of morality and of existing reality. E.C. Whitmont -- The Symbolic Quest (from the very helpful The Gnostic Book of Changes)

Moving to Great Restraint, from a somewhat paradoxical combination of freedom and a warning against forcing a situation, is the usual humor of the I Ching. Here are some of the other titles that have been given to Great Restraint: The Taming Power of the Great, The Great Nourisher, Taming the Great Powers, Great Accumulating, Great Accumulation, Great Storage, Nurturance of the Great, Great Buildup, Restraint of the Great, Restraint by the Strong, Potential Energy, The Great Taming Force, Energy Under Control, Power Restrained, Sublimation, Latent Power

The will is, curiously, not recognized as the central and fundamental function of the ego. It has often been depreciated as being ineffective against the various drives and the power of the imagination, or it has been considered with suspicion as leading to self-assertion (will-to-power). But the latter is only a perverted use of the will, while the apparent futility of the will is due only to a faulty and unintelligent use. The will is ineffective only when it attempts to act in opposition to the imagination and to the other psychological functions, while its skillful and consequently successful use consists in regulating and directing all other functions toward a deliberately chosen and affirmed aim. Roberto Assagioli –Psychosynthesis

This puts a very fine point on it- in fighting the urge to act, I am exercising my will-- something so obviously clear that I had to stumble into it, like a goat butting against a fence. There are special problems associated with the will in the context of recovery from alcoholism-- one of the central features of the recovery process for Bill W was turning over one's will to the care of a God as he understood God-- step 3. 

I have long felt there is a profound misunderstanding of this movement of the soul among a lot of recovering people. Many shorten the idea to turning their will over to God as they understand God, which raises all sorts of questions and imposes a bizarre false duality between "my will" and "God's will," a dangerous and frankly grotesque existential position. By contrast, if my will is under *the care* of God as I understand God, it makes it irrelevant whose will is whose-- what becomes important is am I *remembering* that this will of mine has a container now, and is no longer as subject to "self-will run riot," but rather, to be skillfully and successfully employed "in regulating and directing all other functions toward a deliberately chosen and affirmed aim." (Leaving aside here the vast entanglements of thought regarding this entire idea of "the will" and what it even means to "exercise one's will power," and simply assuming that we all know what it *feels* like). 

The feeling that accompanies this step 3 approach is one of letting go of my little plans and designs into something larger and waiting for an answer or an intuitive sense of how to proceed. If there is uncertainty, in itself that is speaking something important. The fullness of incorporating this principle of having a "cared-for will" into my daily life really hits home by the time I reach step 10: 

"In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle. We are often surprised by how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while. What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. (Editor's note: this is perhaps the funniest sentence in the entire Big Book). We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it." (Alcoholics Anonymous, pages 86-87)

So in a way, "not knowing what to do" is a symptom already of the reality of simply not yet having anything to do. Sometimes I struggle through this by doing something, anything, to see if it was the right thing to do or not. But instead of venturing out without an idea or aim, instead of seeking relief through taking action, any action at all, the uncertainty itself indicates some kind of non-action altogether, or at least only that which intuitively appears as useful and non-harmful, either to oneself or others. The trick here is in separating out the selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and fearful impulses that drive the tendency to take action. We often move and flail and butt against fences simply to try to find relief-- understandable but rarely effective. 

I'm reminded of two things one of my now-deceased AA mentors used to say. She told me once, "try not to confuse being busy with taking action." 

She also repeatedly reminded me, however: "You can afford your mistakes. We can't adhere perfectly to these principles. Sometimes we're going to fuck up. You can afford to fuck up. If you do fuck up, try to make it as spectacular as possible."