Ways along the way

We show up one day to the next and never know exactly what might happen. Sometimes we try to make certain things happen and the intermittent reinforcement of weirdling luck or fate in a pleasant mood, to quote Sun Ra, rewards us with what we think we made happen. But I think we are just spinning the wheel every day and it stops wherever it stops. 

I'm not a believer in predestination, but I'm also not a believer in free will-- I just think the way things unfold in forward moving time is a mystery. We do not know the real hows and whys. The reality is so unbearably unknowable that we evolved to be storytelling beasts, always trying to make our beginning, middle and end to fit the way things unfolded. 

I think the apparent binary between predestination and random chaos or free will or whatever antipode you want to posit is just a delusion. The real picture is much bigger and weirder than we ever could imagine. 

But every now and then, coalescent experiences occur and we have a place to stand and have resolved long-standing conundrums and bafflements. Flummoxed though we may be, we also get that transcendent feeling that something that was supposed to happen actually did. This is a glowing and bizarre experience even in one moment, let alone the way it has been feeling for old Percy, since July. 

But the resolution is to just surf it as long as the wave can be ridden and not overthink it. And simply sit and bask in a little bit of Julianesque assurance.