The Charm Spiral

Initially enchanted, then seeing with the eyes of enchantment, growing increasingly enchanted-- an experience that seems like it could never end. 

The a, b, c's were on the agenda of the Big Book study meeting I attend almost every Wednesday from 6:30 to 8 pm. In this meeting, it is sometimes the case that the 12-25 of us recovering drunks and junkies read and discuss one paragraph in that 90 minutes. The a, b, c's warranted this kind of conversation.

"Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:

a). That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives
b). That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism
c). That God could and would if He were sought."

Of particular interest to me here this time is the stark contrast between this final, printed version and the original manuscript:

"Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after, have been designed to sell you three pertinent ideas:

   

(a) That you are alcoholic and cannot manage your own life. 

(b) That probably no human power can relieve your alcoholism. 

(c) That God can and will.

    If you are not convinced on these vital issues, you ought to re-read the book to this point or else throw it away!"

Bill's enthusiasm (and thanks, Blogger for the usual idiotic format grabbing that happens whenever something has been copied and pasted, so helpful-- of course, I could put on my big boy pants and learn HTML and quit bitching) is admirable, but I for one am very grateful the text was changed. I am a sensitive, defiant alcoholic and being yelled at makes me want to drink, Bill. 

So he switched it to modal verbs. I found myself wondering why. Some people in recovery think he is using the past tense and jump on that as proof that one can recover, that one doesn't have to be in recovery for ever or be "recovering." But in my opinion, that shows a basic misunderstanding of what modal verbs are. 

From Merriam Webster: 

 a verb (such as can, could, shall, should, ought to, will, or would) that is usually used with another verb to express ideas such as possibility, necessity, and permission

Here's a concise overview of their use and the subtle shades of meaning they bring. 

Anyway, clearly (imo), Bill is reframing the entire passage to leave open a world of possibilities and to invite a recovering person in, rather than to deliver a diagnosis, imperative and accusation and exclude people who are not convinced. It's an interesting use of the modal. 

And what does it have to do with enchantment, you ask? 

The bare beginning of an enchantment is the open invitation. It has to start somewhere. It seems we are able to decide, for even a flash of a moment, not to jump. Once we do jump, it seems there is no possibility of a willed, willful turning back, at least not for me. But at the barest beginning, there is a turning point, most times.And this goes back to why we risk it. 

What's the risk? Why do we go through the door? Meditating on that today.