A very large part of the Work consists in disciplining oneself to wait -- to take no action until some indefinite time in the future. This is exceedingly difficult to do, and creates incredible stresses within the psyche -- which is exactly why it is necessary. Psychologically, to "cross the great stream" is to subdue all of the autonomous instincts, drives and emotions that are accustomed to responding whenever they are stimulated. As long as waiting creates feelings of stress, you can be sure that the battle has not been won. When you can wait like the superior man -- as if there were nothing else to do, then you can allow yourself to hope that you may be getting somewhere.
Waiting, watching, observing. Gaining a little bit of the ability to watch thoughts rise up, gain power, and then dissipate. Taking Pema's advice to send the thought out on an outbreath, with the word "thinking" gently in mind. Not with rancor or irritation or any other form of aversion or resistance, but with friendliness toward my mind. It's a good way to wait.
Part of hexagram 5 includes the advice to have an attitude of good cheer while waiting. There's nothing to be done, and no way to engage in any effective action, so why not just enjoy the time while you wait? Of course that's harder than it sounds, as reasonable as it is. But it connects up to the basic idea of accepting what I can't change-- if the wisdom is that I can't change it. I remember that my father used to get enraged and be seething with anger if we ever got stuck in a traffic jam. This is a great image for me to remember. It's a classic case of something my father couldn't change. But he expended a lot of emotional energy on an absolutely unmovable situation.
The poet used to call this "shaking your fist at the ocean." Another way to frame this is the old apothegm in AA regarding resentment-- "It's like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."
All of these perspectives speak to a few essential lessons that are unfolding slowly, painfully, and non-linearly at this time.
1. I have tools that help me regulate unbidden emotions as well as consciously choose how I respond to them
2. When faced with an awful situation that I don't want but about which I can do nothing, the wisest thing to do is-- Nothing.
3. The best attitude to have while waiting in the face of dangerous or unmovable situations is an attitude of good cheer and acceptance.
4. This is some of the most difficult work we do.
In what you have written here, beautiful evocations of Hesse's Siddhartha:
ReplyDeleteWhen you throw a
rock into the water,
it will speed on the fastest course to the bottom of
the water. This
is how it is when Siddhartha has a goal, a
resolution. Siddhartha does
nothing, he waits, he thinks, he fasts, but he
passes through the things
of the world like a rock through water, without
doing anything, without
stirring; he is drawn, he lets himself fall. His goal
attracts him,
because he doesn't let anything enter his soul
which might oppose the
goal....
That he had felt this despair, this deep disgust, and that
he had not succumbed
to it, that the bird, the joyful source and voice in
him was still alive
after all, this was why he felt joy, this was why he
laughed, this was
why his face was smiling brightly under his hair
which had turned gray.
From Siddhartha, Hermann Hesse