the line between compromise and self-negation

A friend of mine who just went through a divorce after many years of marriage and I were comparing notes on things we have done since we have been single that we would never have done with our partners. My friend, for example, bought a bunch of clothes she liked but that her ex husband would not have approved of. I think certain adjustments we make when partnered are normal and easier-- especially if we ourselves don't really care that much about something our partner has intense feelings about. I made many adjustments in the best interest of my ex's son also, in an attempt to model good things for him. 

But there's a weird line we cross sometimes (or often, if you are codependent like me) where the things we give up or limit or whatever are actually important to us. The only way I have been able to realize where that line is has been to be single again and look back. I lack the ability to make honest assessments of the difference between minor and major concessions when I am in a partnership.

It's interesting to look back and realize that most of my partners have had some serious rules and limitations around food. The majority of them have been vegetarian, but have also had other values around diet, health, etc. While I admire that and often have similar tendencies, I am also a food hedonist in a lot of ways and have been with several people who seem to have trouble having a guilt free dining experience at a restaurant, for example. 

I am somewhat undisciplined with money and most of my partners have been frugal and more interested in managing money wisely. 

I don't naturally include regular housework in my weekly schedule, but most of my partners have valued it. 

I listen to music very loudly sometimes to get that full physical experience and most partners have not really wanted to do that. I also have tastes that run to music that is aesthetically challenging for a lot of people, and I always end up partitioning a lot of that music off and not listening to it when a partner is around. 

I intentionally arrange my life around the academic year so I have plenty of time to travel and many partners have not done that, which means that I have gone on a lot of solo trips. 

There's probably a lot more, but these are some areas that I end up limiting, compartmentalizing, eliminating altogether. It's probably a valuable area to consider as I go toward that first idea that would contribute to getting off the victim vertex-- forming a relationship with myself. I imagine some non-negotiables will arise that, in the past, I have been all too quick to compromise on.