Defense Against the Dark Magicians

forming a reliable relationship with myself
practicing mindfulness meditation
discussing my thoughts, plans and feelings with trusted others
observing, describing and participating 
not filling in the blank
putting aside the wrongs others have done entirely and looking for my own part.

That's the start I have made so far on moving away from victimhood toward vulnerability and liberation. 

I think the final stages of this process involve larger realizations that may actually be useful in future situations. I'm especially interested in cultivating a level of detachment where I can honestly refrain from taking things personally. Friends outside of a situation often say "It's not about you-- they are just going through what they need to go through." Even when it is about me, it's not about me-- that is, even when other people are behaving in ways that are intentionally malicious toward me, it is still possible to decide not to be on the hook for it.

“Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds…Taking things personally makes you easy prey for these predators, the black magicians. They can hook you easily with one little opinion and feed you whatever poison they want, and because you take it personally, you eat it up….” Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

So there is the development of a kind of magic power in remembering this shift, in moving away from getting hooked all the time by the illnesses of other people. 

When I reflect on times when it has been easier for me not to take things personally, I realize those were times when I was engaged in a life that felt purposeful,creative, substantial and busy, but not in the distracted sense of busy.I guess the word people use is "full." 

In Al Anon, sometimes people say "Get off of their backs, get out of their way, and get on with your life." That is one of the approaches to being more immune to perceived slights and injuries. If I repeatedly redirect my attention to my own activities,my own circle of influence and my own work in the world, getting hooked and hurt happens less often, doesn't go as deep, and wears off more quickly. 

It's one of the behavioral re-directions I have been practicing. I might begin to remember something with a big rusty hook and a lot of potential hurt that A said or did at the end of our partnership, but have been redirecting my attention to what needs to be done for the PhD, who I could help in AA, who might be around to talk with or do something with, how I could learn more or create more myself, play the drums, work out, organize my photos, finish other projects, etc. 

These feel like ways to turn dark magic to a purpose. It may even be that my emotional turmoil isn't moderated by these re-directions, at least not at first. But acting in spite of the emotional turmoil in ways that go toward myself and the present rather than toward A and some searing memory of the past eventually always has a transforming effect.