In the doing of it

A couple of riveting conversations with a woman who is a transformation and change manager (like, for a living) got at something that has been bothering me about any kind of efforts to dismantle the patriarchy. There's a ton of books about attitudes, values, changes in perspective. But what will really matter is actual behavioral change. Maybe an entertaining book would be a behavioral change workbook. Like, a daily exercise for dismantling the patriarchy. Maybe combined with ways to track the results of changed behavior. 

I wonder what women would say, if they were asked what behavioral changes they would like to see. I mean, I imagine, of course, anything that would de-sexualize public spaces and make it safe to be a woman. I'm not sure how that hugely vital topic could be included in my idea. I'll have to think about that. One way that comes up immediately is around the practice of total indifference that I have been trying out at Arizona State, when I am walking on campus. Passing through the world with total indifference toward women. No looks, no objectification, no imagination, no involvement of any kind. Absolutely desexualizing the experience for myself of being in public. That has been a revealing exercise. In particular, it has provided stark contrast and shown me that I have a conditioned, sexualized way of seeing women in public. My default setting is much clearer to me, since I started the total indifference experiment. 

But beyond the transformation of the world into a space that is safe for women, which is an absolutely essential transformation, I wonder what kinds of specific behavioral changes women would like to see. Maybe I'll ask on Facebook and only let women respond. 

At any rate, I am a lot more interested in this project with this focus on lasting, daily behavioral changes, rather than just a bunch of think pieces or recommendations for attitude adjustments or whatever. For one thing, when I followed up with my own behavioral changes, domestically, erotically, conversationally, etc., a lot of attitudinal changes and deep shifts in perspectives followed, much more powerfully than they would have just from "realizations" or "epiphanies."