Sorcery and other hobbies

I've been feeling very introverted, intuitive and tender lately. I can easily be more powerfully somewhere else than my actual physical location, the past week or so. It's a time of very much living in my imagination, and in my gut sense of things. Probably a natural side effect of a lot of work on the PhD becoming much more streamlined and focused, and spending a tremendous amount of time alone. 

There's been a lot of nostalgia, also, and some memories blazing, banked high. It hasn't bothered me. There's a phase of grief and loss where the memories sting or even stab, and feel like the sharpest knife. Then there's a phase where one can also remember, and be amazed, and wonder how in hell such things were even possible, and be glad. I'm not there 100% of the time, but even a few months ago such a grateful recollection wasn't even conceivable. 

I lack the sharp mental focus I really ought to have, to be more efficiently honing the dissertation, but I am working anyway. It is what it is, and has to be as good as it is, and that's that. Some fascinating employment opportunities are out there that I have applied to, or I'm in the process of applying. A couple of long shots, a couple of probably good fits, who knows. It's all just a matter of rolling the dice. 

I got the impulse to go to Chicago to see FKA Twigs in November, since I had unused travel funds from a canceled trip last February, tickets to her show are only $34, the tour is getting incredible rave reviews, I never go to concerts like that, I've never been to Chicago, and she's not doing any shows out west. So I booked a flight, a car, a room on the lake, and I'll be there for the weekend, Nov. 14–18. Why not? It turns out Roscoe Mitchell is doing a show the same weekend, so I bought tickets to that also. Talk about contrast. 



Mostly I am simply not resisting the hermit energy of this time. I'm not trying to do anything, really. Intuition is extremely sensitive, as a result. My mind is pretty quiet, which is unusual for me. I guess it's the benefits of a regular meditation practice. Maybe just a phase. I'll take it, over the relentless discomfort and pain, as well as astronomical highs, of the past while.  

from the Marigold Tarot by Amrit Brar