House of Temporary Return

 Heading out of the botany conference with some good connections, a few job leads, and renewed encouragement about my professional situation, with a replacement bumper sticker from the California Botanical Society. I've decided to save it until I get a new car, which I hope to do soon. Good old Isabel continues to do her best, at nearly a quarter of a million miles, but she needs brakes, cooling repair, and probably a head gasket, and that sounds like the end of our relationship. I can sell her for about $800 and get a later model used something or other. With air conditioning!

 Since I couldn't move in to my new place until August 15th, and the conference ended August 2, I decided to go to Santa Fe, via the strange little town of Truth or Consequences. The Pelican Spa is where I stayed in T or C, funky little place. Nice though. 

 I intentionally went to Santa Fe for grieving and reclaiming purposes. Even though I had lived there for nearly 30 years, there were many associations that I wanted to clear. It was a rough visit in some ways, and a great renewal in others. I always go to Ohori's, Sage Bakehouse, Kakawa Chocolate House, Horseman's Haven, Who's Donuts, and a fancy restaurant or two, and this visit was similarly food centered, the expense of which I offset by camping up in the National Forest for many of the nights I was there. It's a great setup if you can grab a campsite up there. About seven miles from town, a little crowded, but only $10 a night this time (they had no electricity due to the power line failing. I think it's usually $20 a night). Beautiful and peaceful once the traffic stops on the ski basin road. 

 My first night there, a friend of mine had an extra ticket to the opera, to see Jenůfa, an opera in three acts by Leoš Janáček that I had never heard of. It was an incredible performance. I love the Santa Fe Opera and miss it. 

 I did stay at a couple hotels, the funniest being a huge discount on a last minute cancellation of the honeymoon suite at The Guadalupe Inn. I wonder about that story. But anyway, here's their idea of breakfast:

IMMEDIATE CREMATION, PET CREMATION, BEEF JERKY

 One of the great things about many nights of camping was how rainy it was. I realize that may sound like a drawback, but I loved every minute of it. 

 I splurged on a ridiculously expensive dinner at the Coyote Cafe, where I have not been since maybe 1990. Tempura squash blossoms stuffed with lobster and cheese, seared black peppercorn diver scallops with raspberry coulis, key lime pie. Almost $100 for one person, with one of those condescending waiters who acts like you're a clueless fool. It was worth it though. 

 After many visits with friends, including meeting some previously FB only people, and some powerful re-connection, it was time to go. I was so reluctant to get back to Tempe that I stopped for two nights in Silver City, a weird old west mining town. So many motel rooms since June 28. So much sadness, loneliness, grief; but also, loosening, letting go, relief and freedom. 

 The red coffee pot I bought in Alamos, Sonora, back in March. 

 Silver City sunset over the CVS. 

 Downtown so deserted on a summer Sunday night, one could stand in the middle of the main street for minutes at a time. 

 My landlady, a very kind French woman with a sense of hospitality
perhaps especially because my place was an Airbnb for a long time, left me a lovely welcome. I'm sure you think my photoshop skills in the direction of maintaining anonymity are impressive. 

In many ways, I am still processing this epic trip. As soon as I got back, I plunged directly into dissertation work. I am now occupied with simultaneously finishing the diss and preparing two chapters for submission for publication. I have been haunted, sad, lonely, frustrated, continuing with grief. But I've also been all of the lighter and more sanguine energies that became available over the course of my travels. I still just do not understand what the fuck is going on, really. I mean, I do, and I do not. Superficially do, to a degree; deeper, absolutely do not. But I have had a couple weeks of teaching already, lots of writing and revising, lots of actual movement on the PhD process which has been great. 

Obviously, one does not have to know what one is doing in order to take a shot at doing it, and one does not have to understand what is going on in order to keep showing up. 

These are mysteries.