Dismantling the patriarchy

I have been seeing patriarchal bullshit everywhere lately, perpetrated by both women and men. It's not as if these dynamics are new, not in the least. I just keep waking up to more of them, and then seeing the interactions everywhere. 

In general, the dynamic is around belittling, diminishing, detracting, sabotaging and gaslighting women. So many microaggressions have become apparent to me. The aggregate is a calculus of monumental power imbalance. Each transgression might seem quite minor, and of course, this also facilitates the "wow, you sure are sensitive and overreacting hurrrrr durrrrrr" response. 

Two aspects lately that I have seen. One involves how young mothers express an authentic despair over the loneliness, abandonment and emotional exhaustion of parenting toddlers, and some "mother woman" (stealing from Kate Chopin) often swoops in to talk about the joys of motherhood, and how the solution to the exhaustion is yet more motherhood, or whatever the fuck. Instead of simply saying, oh yes, this is a serious part of the experience, you need and deserve support and a break, maybe I can take your kids for a while? It's just guilting and gaslighting. 

Another one is the aggression of the male compliment, or any compliment that is entirely centered around the body of the female recipient. One friend had a woman tell her that her professional services must be in demand because of her body. Another had a man run up to her in a public space, and, even though she had headphones on, interpose himself into her life just to tell her how "cute" she was. It has become blindingly clear to me that these are not compliments at all. These are aggressive, resentful, belittling insults. Diminish and confuse. Flatter but in a way that removes power. 

Sick shit. 

I have had a few people tell me I should write about this stuff for a male audience, that men will listen to me, that I could be a "thought leader" or whatever on these issues, and, since I have zero respect for all these "thought leaders" it's kind of a nauseating idea. Hurrrrrr. durrrrrrr. However, I get so flaming angry about all of it, maybe I could direct that anger somehow. 

The goals would be:

1. desexualize public space
2. teach men to understand conditioning that is toxic
3. work through much deeper concepts of consent
4. illustrate that men have to give up power and money, not just change their behavior or attitudes
5. illustrate what domestic and parenting equity looks like, since power and money will only shift when women have time 
6. work to push through concepts like "the good man" or the "nice guy" to promote a true, consequential dismantling of the patriarchy. 
7. promote ways to practice respecting women's boundaries, accepting rejection, moving through anger and resentment without violence or blame

It's a tall order, but maybe it would mean something coming from a man. So far past the old Robert Bly bullshit of romanticizing manhood, and thereby reinforcing the binary. He had great ideas about welcoming male emotions home, acknowledging male suffering. But he was ultimately just another patriarchal asshole. This shit has got to change. Time is up. 

Have not heard the song. I just like the image.