Angry about anger

On the other side of letting myself feel anger, I sometimes experience anger that I'm angry. Yet another quirky facet of being Percy. In this case, after a few days of being angry a la my previous post and then some, yesterday I started feeling like I was done, and I began to angrily accept (yes that's possible) the entire deal. "Hang on one goddamned second, honcho. Being angry about selling yourself short *sells yourself short*," I realized. 

An actual pic of me driving the rental car across Montana

I am 100% glad everything happened exactly as it did, which is maybe the greatest gift of getting real about anger. Well, there is one regret: I would have (haha meaningless) let go sooner, if I could have (haha meaningless). I did what I was able to do the way I was able to do it, when I was able to do it, and that is that. Frankly, I would not change anything at all, regardless of how painful many of these passages have been. 

The level of grief and anger I feel about the word "depression" being misspelled on this flow chart LITERALLY cannot be expressed but some day I will find acceptance about it if it kills me. 

Onward to the Oregon coast and a campsite I snagged for the night. This road trip has been incredible in many ways. At some point, a retrospective will be posted here, but probably not until I get to Arizona. I still have no clue what is next in my life, but I do know this: unless I die in a fiery car crash along the Pacific coast or something, I will be sleeping next to the ocean tonight. How could I find fault given this reality? Lovers come and go, crushes are a dime a dozen for a crush addict, partners are fallible and fickle, but the ocean is always there, flood or fury, peace or halcyon days. As my first AA sponsor used to say, when I was in grave doubt and cynicism, "What part of the wave isn't 100% ocean?"