What we used to be like, what happened and what we are like now

I have long suspected Bill W was up to some kind of funny language game, as he often is, when he phrased it in this way:

"Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now." (by the way, if Bill hadn't used the Oxford Comma, I'd be drunk this minute, or dead. How could I have possibly wanted what he had if he hadn't used it?).

In particular it seems a strange construction: "What were you like? What are you like now?" 

To be "like" something. Weird. 

I think it would be informative to trace Bill's concept of personhood, persona, personality and self throughout the Big Book. His total rejection of self will and his unrelenting characterization of self will as the thing (?) that blocks us from God. The spiritual awakening that Bill talks about could be traced fairly easily as a loss of self, of course not a new idea at all. His later embrace of the so called St. Francis Prayer is along those lines, especially in its very odd conclusion: "It is by self-forgetting that one finds, by forgiving that we are forgiven, and by dying that we awaken to eternal life."

In the simplest outline, we used to be like selfish people, we hit bottom and found a higher power, and now we are like unselfish (or less selfish) people. I mean, that seems to be one way to trace it out. 

I resist the usual narrative of a lot of alcoholics that is so harsh and self-hating. A great many tell their story in this way: "I was a loser, a dirtbag, evil and an awful person. I got sober. I am now essentially the same as I used to be— a liar, a cheat and a thief— except that now I have AA to keep me honest." I don't find that narrative helpful, inspiring, conducive to sustained sobriety or even true. 

Anyway, the general formula is on my mind becaue I was asked to share at tonight's CoDA meeting, and I have never told my CoDA story. I have told my AA story many times. I guess I'll just use the general framework but from a CoDA point of view. 

In other news, I stumbled on some new music a couple days ago. I was curious if there was a song with lyrics related to "shithole," intending to post it on FB as a funny commentary on the Cheeto in Chief's comments. I found a song actually called Shithole by a band I had never heard of before, Weaves. I ended up going down the old YoutTube rabbit hole and loving all of their stuff. I have a real weakness for weird pop made by people who are unafraid to take it somewhere surreal and who also have big ears and obviously have very deep musical backgrounds.