Burning

Here are the things I burned last night in the fire can (by doing an abstract drawing quickly with a single pen on regular notebook paper, and writing the name at the top and then lighting the paper on fire, watching it blaze and saying "fare thee the fuck well"):

Enmeshment

Seeking outside validation 

Acting out of self-centered fear

Letting self pity run my life

Controlling and manipulating

Feeling less than

Indulging in pessimism and lack of trust

Wallowing in gloomy nostalgia

Acting out of greed and possessive jealousy

Of course such ritual doesn't instantly remove the spiritual illness, but I feel more free today. A process like this that is almost entirely non-verbal definitely sets strong intention and reshapes the fundamental ground. And I have the list of the words.

Step 6: Were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character. Step 7: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. 

You know I don't even believe in "God" per se, but this is step 6 and 7 work for sure. Because the great myth of our times is that we can do this work ourselves. That I can fix me. 

I have a mountain of evidence that I can't fix me. 

But these toxic patterns do become ameliorated when, instead, I just turn them over. I am powerless over my defects. They are unmanageable by me. Here, Universe, here they are. Help me let go of them and find new ways of being. 

A good way to say adios to the old year.