TRYING to be funny

I posted this on Facebook as a lark last year, and some people were greatly saddened by it, while others laughed and laughed. I'm always surprised when my dark sense of humor causes sadness in other people. It's my only salvation a lot of the time. 

Keepin' it real with Honest Facebook Relationship Statuses, Inc. (tm):
"In a relationship. With myself. At all times."
"Projecting."
"For the 20th time, in a re-enactment compulsion of early pubescent trauma but delusionally thinking that this time I'll get it right and finally be happy"
"Hating myself but incessantly posting couples selfies as a passive aggressive way to anger my ex who absolutely does not care"
"In a mutual gaslighting arrangement"
"Inextricably legally and financially tied to someone"
"In love with soulmate who does not know my name"
"Deeply emotionally attached to someone but pretending to use them only for sex"
"Stalking. You."
"Toxic, dysfunctional, terrified of intimacy. Available. Irresistible."
"It's complicated. In fact, it could be, at best, only approximately explained by a never-before-attempted synthesis of algebraic topology, Bayesian maximum likelihood estimates and advanced, 13-dimensonial graph theory"
"Working on myself. Always have a problem. Always processing. Why won't you listen to me?"
"In a friends with benefits arrangement with someone with whom I am not friends and where there are no benefits"
"Not single. Not in a relationship. Not married. Not in a polyamorous relationship. Not."
"Claiming to be polyamorous as an excuse to be an unethical, sex-addicted liar"
"Self-styled edgy and counterculture douche involved with an array of vulnerable people attracted to lies, manipulation, intermittent reinforcement and rejection"
"Unethically pursuing the maximum of my own self interest while unctuously claiming to love another human being who exists entirely to prop up my ego"
"Married and proud to have stayed married for decades even though that is my only real accomplishment in life"
"Happily single. Seriously. No, I mean it. What??"

I guess, looking it over, I can see that it definitely has...an edge. 

One thing I appreciate about the loml is her dark sense of humor for sure, although we seem more often to cheer each other up, rather than spiral into an endless vortex of infinite darkness, so we have that going for us, which is nice. 

I am in the middle of putting a massive amount of data together to try to run some species distribution models that are completely experimental. It took me a whole week of 8-12 hour days to get the occurrence data and covariate environmental variables into usable form. I am now downloading a few different interpolated climate data sets, all of which have a fairly high degree of error thanks to the remoteness of my study site. But I also have on the ground data from some data loggers I put in place on the islands, so I can do my own error corrections. 

The really fun part will be adding a Last Glacial Maximum climate layer and seeing what things might have been like for my study species, as well as adding a 25, 50 and 100 year "hot layer" based on a few different climate change scenarios. But in order to start playing with those fun toys, one has to put in a lot of grunt work first. Because the spatial scale of the habitat of Mammillaria halei is so small (20 X 50 km), a ton of environmental variables besides climate data have to go into the model. Slope aspect, slope angle, soil type, soil texture, habitat type, percent vegetative cover, slope position, etc. And the very interesting thing is that I have no idea what the models will look like when I am done. I have about another week of data analysis to do, mostly generalized linear models to test predictors for significance. 

and on that note, back to work...