It's hard to know when to give up the fight

'

When you've been working on a fellowship application nonstop from 5 a.m. until 5 p.m. and finally take a break and all the emotions you didn't have all day tsunami right on in there. I have discovered a way to trick grief for blocks of time, namely, don't think, have any memories, listen to any music, reflect in any way or otherwise allow yourself to go off task. Ideal completely cold immersions include revising a proposal based on the feedback of five readers, double checking in-line citations and compiling a four page lit cited section for an eight page proposal. The idea is to, at least temporarily, mercilessly cauterize the bloody mess. The goal is to get revenge on the capricious and inscrutable universe by kicking ass all day.

But on either side, in the unwelcome stretch two hours before dawn or after the mind just can't grind along anymore, well, it is what it is.

It's hard to listen to a hard hard heart
Beating close to mine
Pounding up against the stone and steel
Walls that I won't climb
Sometimes a hurt is so deep deep deep
You think that you're gonna drown
Sometimes all I can do is weep weep weep
With all this rain falling down

Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Rain

Its hard to know when to give up the fight
Some things you want will just never be right
Its never rained like it has to night before
Now I don't want to beg you baby
For something maybe you could never give
I'm not looking for the rest of your life
I just want another chance to live

Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Rain, oh rain

Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Rain

Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm still alive underneath this shroud
Rain Rain Rain