Not Managing Well, Managing Well

Returning from my travels was a weird experience. 

My internet had been mistakenly turned off, there was a flat tire on my car, my car wouldn't start, my washing machine broke when I tried to do the trip laundry. 

The flat tire saga was wild. I put the donut spare on there and headed to the Discount Tire, only about 3 miles from my place. On the way, the donut went flat-- so, in pathetic style, I drove on the flat donut the last mile, pulled as far over to the right as I could, flashers on. I got to the tire store and waited for them to get the work done, but a tech came in and said he couldn't get the car started. The check engine light had been on for a while with the code being the coolant temperature sensor, and that does mess up the computerized ignition. I tried, the tech tried again. No luck.

I called a tow guy who took 2.5 hours to show up. He got in the car and turned the key and the car started instantly. I had it towed anyway, with a full size spare thrown in the back to put on at home. A mechanic was called to replace the coolant switch. There's this new (?) thing where a mechanic will come to your driveway and do the repair there. He was scheduled for 10:30 am last Saturday but called at 2:30 pm to tell me he wouldn't be able to be there until the next morning. 

Okay. 

He did show up and replace the part, and the car is doing better. I took it in and got all the tires replaced. It still needs a new muffler and a new windshield but I doubt I'll do that. I'm headed toward buying another car in the next couple of weeks, if possible. It'll be sad to say goodbye to Isabel, the 1998 Honda Civic, but it's at the point now where it's inevitable. 

I had a guy come and fix the washing machine. It was a very simple fix that I could have easily done myself, and cost $179. The internet issue was hilarious, as it involved two separate 2 hour phone conversations with tech support at Cox, a trip to the Cox Solutions store for a replacement modem, with the end result being no one could figure out what the issue was, so they had to send a guy anyway. He figured it out and got me up and running. 

The interesting thing about this weird chain of breakdowns is that I maintained relative equanimity through all of it. Huh, the donut is flat. Huh, the car won't start. Huh, the tow truck is late. Wow, he started it. Weird, the washer is broken. How strange, the internet is down. 

I didn't take any of it personally, which is a big advance for me. My habitual reaction to a lot of this in the past was to become very angry. Infuriated, in fact. Of course, that response never had any constructive impact on outcomes, and sometimes was destructive. I like the idea that I have grown to a level of just rolling with the unexpected and responding, rather than reacting. 

I wish I could cultivate the same equanimity in the love relationship. Lately, or truthfully, to varying degrees, for the past year, I have not been consistently skillful. It's some of the most challenging work I have ever faced.