250 square feet of pestilence

Crickets, termites, roof rats and fleas. Oh my. 

Those are the various charming life forms that either were or are keeping me company in Hades. Blood, boils, locusts, frogs and Republicans are probably next, knowing Arizona. 

I had tolerated the crickets for a long time because of the old symbolism of good luck. Then I decided fuck good luck, these bastards are depriving me of sleep and chewing on paper and whatever else. So I bought some sticky traps, baited them with cornmeal, and bought some molasses and made a bowl of molasses water. The sticky traps are supposed to be very effective, and the molasses water tempts them and they fall in and drown. Well, of course, as soon as I made that effort, all of the crickets magically disappeared. Not one has been caught in a trap or drowned in the molasses. They all just got woke af and took off. 

Apparently this little place has had a termite problem for years, on and off. I discovered two tunnels running down my inside walls and had no clue what they even were, never having dealt with termites before. "Hey what is this weird brown sandy line on the wall?" Crumbled it open-- little blind buggies running to and fro. Aha, very nice. So a "termite tech" is on the way. Turns out the anti-termite defense of last July is still under warranty. 

For the past couple of months, I have heard scampering, scrambling, lumbering life forms overhead. I thought maybe cats were getting into the crawlspace. Then I realized it is far more likely they are the weird Arizona pest, roof rats. Scientific name: Rattus rattus, which is cool. 

It strikes me as fairly typical of Maricopa County that the Tempe website has this: "Call the Maricopa County Vector number 602-506-6616 - hit 3 and report under the category of “Smoking automobiles and other environmental issues” And this: "Roof rats spend 90% of their lives 4 feet or more off the ground." An interesting image. 

Die, asshole

So inspectors are coming to exterminate all the Rattus rattuses, which, being a part time Jainist and full time hypocrite, I find regrettable, but fuck them. The rats, not the inspectors. What a job. 

Which leads to the rat fleas. A weird few fleas showed up about a week ago. At first, I was in a bit of a panic, because the first bites were in a straight line and fairly close together, a mark of bed bugs, toward which I have an intense phobia. I have never suffered an infestation of bedbugs, and I'm grateful for that, considering the amount of traveling I do and the number of hotels and motels I stay in. It's weird when one is actually relieved that the bites one sustains overnight are "only fleas." But I have heard horror stories of the lengths people have to go to get rid of a bedbug infestation, and I also just think they are disgusting, horrifying little creatures. 

I am not a great lover of fleas, either. But they are easier to get rid of. Anyway, wtf I asked myself. How did fleas get in here? Eventually I put two and two together and speculated that the fleas are from the roof rats. I did some research into that and, lo and behold, fleas are a common adjunct to being blessed with a roof rat colony. So I fogged the apartment and so far, it seems I eliminated the fleas, at least for now. Of course, I expect the roof rats still have them, and I imagine until the Rattus rattus are Rattus deadus, the fleas are bound to come back. Joy. 

So Percy's little jaunt through Hades has been blessed with all sorts of new and wonderful life. The miracle of the paradomestic wilderness. Partly a reflection of the very nature of Hades itself: hot and dry, to say the least, but irrigated by the glorious black Styx, so that the lack of a hard freeze every year makes swarms and plagues a likely outcome. It's supposed to be unpleasant to live here, but watering the desert makes it like a mega-breeding ground for vermin. Hooray. 

The charm just doesn't quit down here among the shades.